I will never be silent

I haven't been able to watch the Planned Parenthood videos. I just can't. I would want to weep for days, but I can't do that...not when the best thing that's ever happened to me is sitting in my lap, smiling and giggling, only 5 months old, but already understanding that I provide for her. I protect her. I wish I could do the same for the millions of babies that get torn to pieces every year. I desperately want to save them. A baby's heartbeat begins 18 days after conception. The heart is pumping blood through a closed circulatory system by 21 days.  Brainwaves can be identified at 6 weeks.  All the structures needed to feel pain are operating properly at 9 weeks. Abortion is murder. That is fact, no matter what you believe. Oh Lord, save us from evil, from the lies Satan is allowing so many people to believe. Save these babies. Please, Lord. Hear the cries!  I'm so heartbroken.  I can barely think about it for more than a few seconds without my stomach turning into knots, but

I will never be silent for these voiceless, defenseless, innocent HUMAN BEINGS.

BE THEIR VOICE.  DON'T EVER BE SILENT. FIGHT FOR LIFE.

Love,

Leslie

His mercies are new every morning

Well, this year has definitely had some of the best days of my life…and some of the hardest.  I love being a wife and mom.  It’s all I’ve ever wanted.  I think The Lord for these precious gifts of my husband, baby girl, and getting to stay home with her because my hubby’s job allows me to do that.  The sleepless nights are tiny hardships compared to the joys these gifts bring me.

The month of May was not my favorite.  Actually, May sucked.  Two wonderful grandfathers passed away within 3 weeks of each other.  They lived long, happy lives.  Papa was 89 and Pawpaw was 90.  They were both very loving and caring men who are deeply missed.

When I started blogging again about a year and a half ago after a 5 year break, I tried to make a list of subjects to focus on, one being “To share life and thoughts”  and another “To voice what The Lord is teaching me more often than I have the last few years.”

Well, these last few months have been teaching me to continually hold on to Jesus. 

When I have 2 funerals in less than 3 weeks, it is hard to put The Lord up front in my life, but I want to hold on to Jesus. 

When baby girl all of a sudden decides to wake up every 3 hours like she’s a newborn, it is hard to think of getting in The Word during the day, but I want to hold on to Jesus.

When my house is a wreck and I just want to organize, but I’m sleepy, the baby is demanding my every moment, I have a headache, and I need to go grocery shopping before the stormy weather starts AGAIN, I NEED JESUS.

And honestly, I haven’t been good at holding on to Him lately.  I haven’t been good at focusing on Him.  I’m tired.  I want to nap or watch tv or do something else that requires very little brain activity when I finally have “Leslie Time”.  That may be what I want, and yes sometimes I really do NEED a nap, but sometimes I’m just wanting to be selfish or lazy with my time.

Sometimes, I will find more rest in His Words than a nap can give me.  I will be more satisfied in time with my Savior than with a clean house.  And the baby demanding my attention, should see me choose Jesus, even if it means I just walk around the house with her while I sing His praises as her lullabies.

I want to hold on to Jesus more than I have lately.  Thankful that his mercies are new every morning.  June is a new month.  I pray that it is a much better month than May.

 ~Leslie~

P.S.  If you have had a hard time getting in The Word and focusing on Jesus lately, click HERE for a link to a woman's blog that shares an easy 4 week Bible Study to get you focused again!  I'm doing it right now!

Mommy Confidence

I’m hoping my blog will not become ONLY about my kid, but for now, just expect it!  Sorry not sorry that she’s my favorite thing about life right now.

I've mentioned a few times in previous posts that I’m a pretty timid, shy person.  With that, I've also never been a very confident person.  (Probably one of the reasons Words of Affirmation is one of my main love languages)

The few things I have had confidence in over my lifetime-

That Jesus Christ loves and died for me…and I now live through him, my Savior.

The love of my family

The love and loyalty of my husband

AND that I was absolutely created to be a mom

Yeah, I had hope and faith that The Lord would help me be a good student.  Good teacher.  Good wife.

But MOM LIFE?

I’ve just always known that I could do it, and do it well.

This isn’t meant to be a brag post…it’s only through HIS grace.  And I’m posting this right after my child screamed for 3 hours straight and would only fall asleep after I put her in bed with me on TWO different nights in the last week.  I’m not saying it’s easy.  Heck, those nights were VERY difficult.  I’m just saying The Lord has granted me confidence in being a mom, and for that I am extremely grateful….because it’s what I’ve always wanted to be most in life....Mainly, because I have an awesome mom who has made life GREAT by putting us before herself.  She is one of the most selfless people in the world.

I LOVE being a mommy to my sweet girl. 

I love her snuggles, even if she chooses 2am as her favorite time to demand them! 

I love how much she smiles and “talks” to me.  It makes mornings a little easier!

I love how she tries to imitate the faces I make when I talk to her…she pretty much just sticks her tongue out constantly haha.

I love having an excuse to stay home more often (Have you heard how much of an introvert I am?)

I love it when she falls asleep in her daddy’s arms as he sweetly rocks her in the recliner while we are watching our favorite tv shows.  She still prefers me most of the time because I’m the one that can feed her lol.  So, the times when she does fall asleep with him are so precious.

I love picturing Daddy/Daughter dates that will happen in the future.

I just LOVE it.  Absolutely LOVE it.

Some of my friends have commented to me that they are scared their life will end when they become parents.  My life?  It was great before, but is even more awesome now.  If you are going to be a mom soon and aren’t so happy/excited about it, I hope this made you just a little more confident…and if you want more encouragement about becoming a great momma, just hang out with me for even a few minutes and I’ll help with that ;-)

My hubs knows how to love me well during baby girl's "cry-a-thon" nights this week-

~Leslie~

(and baby girl)

P.S.  (especially for those with the "mommy arrogance" I wrote about in my last post)  I know my journey as a mom has only just begun…these crying and sleepless nights are only the beginning.  I said I am confident, but never said I have everything figured out.  It’s one day at a time.  I was hoping my child would begin sleeping longer hours at night instead of start screaming her head off for hours some nights for no reason I can see, when she is almost 2 months old.  No, I don’t have it all figured out, but I’m confident that The Lord will give me understanding if I ask it of Him.

Lil Bit of Mama Drama

One of my biggest pet peeves-  Moms who pay no attention to other women when those women are "just" college students, "just" working women, or "just" wives.  Then, when they become mothers too and are back "on the same level" as the others, all of a sudden the mom friends, who showed no care for years, have plenty of words/ "wisdom"/ "godly" advice to offer.  If that has been you, just keep all your amazing wisdom to yourself.  I have an amazing mom, mom-in-law, and friends who have kept up with me no matter what stage of life I've been in...I'll take their advice way before yours.

I had a few different women have plenty of time to offer their advice when I had my horrible sciatic pain during the pregnancy or when I wanted to know what was best to take to the hospital, yet over a week after my beautiful baby girl is born, not one of those women has offered a word of congratulations or sweet sentiments.

No, it's not hard for me to take advice.

Yes, I am a friendly person.

Yes, I know I have a lot to learn...doesn't anybody who starts a new phase of life?

Yes, I know I'm not the wisest person, but I do have a tip-  If the only time you care to talk to certain people is to give your opinion or let your voice be heard, maybe you should examine your heart a little.  If you can't find it in you to pay attention to/invest in their joys, sorrows, LIFE unless you can impart your "godly wisdom/counsel" to them, you only make yourself look prideful and self-righteous.  Do you think someone cares what you have to say...if that's the only time you speak to them?

No, I'm not trying to seek attention...just voicing how ridiculous I think this type of "mommy arrogance" is...

If you've ignored me until now, do you really think I'm going to let you be much a part of my child's life?

~Leslie~
(and baby girl)

The last 8 months...

As I am about to start the last month of my pregnancy before we meet our baby girl, I have been reflecting on the last 8 months…

I will never plan a road trip in the mountains during the first trimester of a pregnancy again.

I will always have protein in my belly before I take those ridiculously huge prenatal vitamins every day…and keep peanut butter by my bed in case I need a little extra to get to sleep or to get out of bed without feeling nauseous (both have happened). 

Most preggos talk about the cute little baby hiccups they feel, instead I was the one with hiccups at least every other day during some of my 2^nd trimester.  Up until around 7 months, I only felt baby hiccups once.  Then, she started getting them in the middle of the night after I woke up to use the restroom lol

Also, most preggos talk about the crazy dreams they have.  The only weird dream I had was before we found out baby is a girl…I was going around to everyone insisting that we name him Tyson (not even one of the names on our list).  However, the Hubs had some crazy dreams for me…usually involving guns haha!

If I ever want to feel her kick, all I have to do is drink sweet tea from Chickfila.  She gets real excited/hyper…of course, my child would love Chickfila ;-)

Also, of course, our first child would be due on Texas Independence Day ;-)

I miss alcohol and sushi more than I thought I would.... And I don't even drink that much when I'm not pregnant, but a glass of wine or a cool drink when we were in Hawaii was definitely missed!

That moment Hubs heard her heartbeat and saw her moving on the ultrasound for the first time…you could just see in his eyes how REAL it finally was.  Also, the same date he started writing his speech for all the boys that will one day be interested in his little girl…

Last month, Hubs was reading us a Christmas devotional when baby girl started kicking like crazy. It was so cute....it was as if she was excited to recognize her daddy's voice and wanted to praise Jesus with us!  Already a DADDY'S GIRL!

It is fun to get her to react to a flashlight in a dark room (around 27 weeks babies can start telling whether it is light or dark outside of the womb) and have her kick my stomach so hard that she looks like an alien…Hubby’s reaction- wide-eyed “Whoooa!”

I never knew you could worry so much about someone you haven’t even met yet.

Cats get even weirder when your body is carrying another human being.  Dogs get more protective.

Sorry if this is awkward, but it’s still funny…First, know that I have never wanted one anyway, but after pregnancy I know I absolutely, positively NEVER want a boob job.  SO. HEAVY.  Ohmygosh.  Haha.

I cannot multitask when I’m pregnant, especially if one of those tasks is me talking to someone.  Probably the most embarrassing “pregnancy brain” moment I had was while talking to my mom on the phone, I was also looking at a high school buddy’s facebook page when I realized that I couldn’t see anything on his page, except his profile picture and a “happy birthday” comment from me months earlier.  I immediately sent him a “what the crap?!” message asking why he had deleted me!!  He had no idea what I was talking about, and had had some family drama so decided to hide most of his facebook announcements just so nosey people didn’t always know exactly what he was up to…this is the same friend who bought us a random Christmas gift a few months later I had registered for for baby girl….I have really sweet friends lol.

And last, I’m still completely blown away by the love and support from so many friends and family.  Whether you gave me maternity clothes so that I didn’t have to spend a fortune on a new wardrobe, sent random gifts, came to one of my showers, or just told me I was cute when I feel like a HIPPOPOTAMUS, thank you so very much.  I can’t wait for you all to meet my precious little one.

Love,

Leslie (and baby girl)

2014

This was supposed to be written closer to Thanksgiving, but traveling and family and friend time got in the way.  I’m not sorry ;-)

Anyway, this has been a pretty big year and I felt like making a thankful list.  So, it works well as a last day of the year post too...

I’m thankful for this healthy baby girl growing inside me and all her cool movements I feel and her daddy experiences.

I’m thankful for her daddy, my amazing husband, who has been very patient with my preggo sick times, too sleepy to clean the house times, and I can barely move and need a massage times.  I have truly seen him live out “in sickness and in health” this year.

I’m thankful for several big trips this year before that slows down a little for several years.  Cancun for our 2^nd anniversary before we started planning for baby girl.  Hawaii for my brother-in-law and new sister-in-law’s wedding.  And Tennessee to see beautiful fall colors and winter coming in from the mountains.

I’m thankful for my new sister.

I’m thankful for the amazing extended family on both sides that will show an enormous amount of love to our baby girl.

I’m thankful my husband has only had to travel one week since the beginning of October.

I’m thankful for a flexible work schedule for myself to travel with the hubs, or stay at home when this baby makes me feel bad.

I’m thankful for all the sweet gifts already given to us for baby girl when I haven’t even had my showers yet.

I’m thankful for a good watchdog, yet a gentle puppy at the same time.

I’m thankful for the goofiest kitty who was really funny when my baby belly first started showing.

I’m thankful for best friend dates, especially our fall double date with our husbands that included pumpkin spice lattes, a pumpkin patch, and pumpkin carving.

I’m thankful that almost every big item on our baby registry has been bought for us.

I have a feeling 2015 will be an even bigger year.  Thank you, Jesus, for all these things!  Thank you friends and family for so much love, time, and support this year!  Happy New Year, everyone!

I leave you with these random thoughts for 2015...

Love,

Leslie

Fearfully and wonderfully...

“Comparison is a horrible idol.”

One of my favorite quotes from Matt Chandler.  Short and simple, right?  Well, not quite.

This used to be a huge struggle for me.

I have always been a fairly timid and shy person.  In high school, I compared myself to the more outgoing girls getting attention from the guys.

In college, I compared the attention I received, the projects I completed, and the grades I earned.

Other times, I have compared my health to others.  I have compared my job.  I have compared my spiritual life too.

I think many women struggle with this.  For some reason, we are constantly struggling to “be enough” by whoever’s standards!

But it’s not about WHOEVER’S standards.  It’s about this-

Psalm 139

14  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16  Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!  INTRICATELY WOVEN!

And this-

Zephaniah 3

17  The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

REJOICE OVER YOU!

Oh, and this-

Jeremiah 9

23  Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, 

24  but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.”

BOAST IN THE LORD!

These are fairly well-known verses.  These are not new concepts.  But sometimes I still need reminders.  The Lord made me to be ME…only me.  I am enough for Him.  And that is enough in itself.  My parents also made sure to let me know I was enough for them.  My husband lets me know I am enough too.  I was getting down on myself for something really silly the other day when my husband stops me and says, "You don't need to be so hard on yourself!!"  Thankful.

This is one of the main things I want my daughter to know too.  There will be absolutely no need for her to compare her beauty, intelligence, relationships, health, or anything else TO anyone else.  She will be enough.  She will be valued.  She will be loved beyond anything…by me, her daddy, and Jesus. 

I want her to know she’s beautiful…and that beauty comes from Jesus who made her fearfully and wonderfully…inside and out.  

Did you need this reminder today too?  You are ENOUGH, my friend.  And don't forget to boast in The One who made you enough!

Love,

Leslie (and baby GIRL)