Friends

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what is made by the friends we choose.”
~TENNESSSEE WILLIAMS~

I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I know who my friends are.  I don’t feel the need to find more.  I know who my closest friends are.  I know who my best friend is.  Life can be difficult sometimes when you don't know these.  I've been there.  I've asked myself, "Who REALLY is there for me?"  "Who can I trust?"  "Who proves I can trust them?"  Who was around when life sucked AND never left when life sucked?"  And "Who am I REALLY trying to be there for?"  "Who trusts me?"  "What do I do that makes them trust me?" "How can I try to brighten someone's sucky day?"  "How do I be a better friend?"
These are some thoughts on friendship I've had over the last few years-

You should never feel the need to prove yourself to someone you consider one of your closest friends…
I recently took a step back from a friendship I had felt this way toward for years now.  This person once told me they felt they put way more into our relationship than I did, while I felt this person seemed more interested in giving an opinion and advice, than making memories with me.   
Communication is key.  Two people can be in the same relationship, and yet see it in two different ways.  Unfortunately, communication just wasn’t happening for some reason, and I felt all the blame was put on me…even though it’s a two way street.  It is so much more relaxing and freeing to finally accept that I have other friends who understand me better, and I don’t need to put so much pressure on myself to prove my worth to that one friend when we hang out.

Boundaries are always important in any relationship, but just shutting someone out if they don't know what you need at the time is never an appropriate boundary.

Don’t expect too much from people…you never know what’s going on behind the scenes of their life.  Remember that everyone has issues in their life, many that you can’t even see…so always keep realistic expectations, encouragement, and gentle words up FRONT in your mind.

 “True friendship is not about being there when it’s convenient, but being there when it isn’t”
If someone is only there for you in the way THEY deem best for you ALL the time, not in a way you ask or need, that’s not a good friend.  That’s someone who is patronizing and arrogant.  Again, boundaries are KEY.

“Don't just ignore the effort of a person who tries to keep in touch. People get tired. It's not at all times that they hold on.”
I will NOT be the only one putting effort into keeping life close between us. 

I have all different types of friends...some younger, some still in college, some single, some married, some parents, some older, some going through hard times, some smooth sailing. No matter what stage of life you're in, you are valued.

This is the attitude I pray to have toward my friends-
Colossians 3:12 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 

I have been really encouraged by a few random texts and messages from friends thinking of me lately that have really blessed my life!  Thanks ya'll!

Love you friends,
~Leslie

Introverts are valuable too

**This post may seem a little self-centered, but I’m really trying to inform some of you.

So, this little picture thing has been posted on Pinterest and Facebook quite a few times in the last few months.

I am an introvert.  However, I’ve read introverts don’t like being considered shy.  Well, I’m a shy introvert.  Does that mean I hate people and being around them? No.  I just don’t like every kind of interaction that extroverts like, and being social for too long at one time can leave me exhausted.  Don’t take it personally.

#2, #4, #5, #9, and #12 are the most important to me.

#2- NEVER EMBARRASS THEM IN PUBLIC.
Just fyi, if you do this to me, I pretty much avoid hanging out with you and doing anything competitive with you.  This has happened to me quite a few times to the point that, I really don’t enjoy/avoid game nights I’m invited to.  When I was growing up, I had a friend several years older than me who, still to this day, is one of the most competitive people I’ve known.  She would play “spoons” with me and another person.  I was shy and also physically slow because of the mild cerebral palsy on the right side of my body.  I had a hard enough time just holding several cards in my right hand (the one affected by cerebral palsy) much less switching cards out and grabbing the spoon.  I would try to focus so hard on the cards.  Well, she and the other person would be as quiet as possible taking the spoons when someone had their 4 of a kind, and just keep handing me (unaware that someone had won) cards until I noticed, just to get a good laugh.  Yeah, she’s probably one of the main reasons I've never really enjoyed game nights...

#4-  GIVE THEM TIME TO THINK.  DON’T DEMAND INSTANT ANSWERS.
Introverts usually have a hundred scenarios going through our head.  Give us some time to analyze and PICK ONE of those hundreds.  K, thanks.

#5-  DON’T INTERRUPT THEM
Can’t tell you how many times I finally had the courage to speak up and share a story, opinion, etc. only to be interrupted in the middle of it.  And the interrupter usually never hears the rest of what I was saying….and most of the time doesn’t even notice.  And I bet they even thought I just didn‘t have anything to contribute to the conversation…

#9-  TEACH THEM NEW SKILLS PRIVATELY
Yes.  I don’t even like having a conversation with more than a few people at a time, when I KNOW what I‘m talking about.  Do you think I want a bunch of random people watching me do something I’ve NEVER DONE before?  It feels like having an interview or evaluation for a job. 

#12- RESPECT THEIR INTROVERSION. DON’T TRY TO REMAKE THEM INTO EXTROVERTS.
Recently, I was talking to a friend (also an introvert) and she said something about how society really likes to reward extroverts.  It’s true.  Please, realize that introverts are valuable too.  If I speak up and tell a story/opinion of mine, it usually took a lot of courage and I must think my words are somewhat meaningful to speak up AND trust you enough to let you hear them.  Maybe I don’t want to participate in a game night because I’ve been embarrassed in public one too many times lately.  Maybe I don’t feel like opening up to you because you’ve interrupted me or demanded instant answers when I have conversations with you.  Maybe I don’t want to go out tonight because I know you’ll try to make me act like an extrovert.  I’m not.  I like who I am.  Accept me or just let me be.

I’m tired of people seeing me as awkward, rude, stuck up, etc. because I don’t want to participate in EVERYTHING thrown at me.  Let me observe, think, listen, take it all in.  I’ve always been loyal to my friends.  I really do love people.  Introverts are loyal people.  We’re the ones with a shoulder to cry on when you just need someone PRESENT, the ones you can vent to without getting an unwanted opinion or advice because we’re pretty good at just sitting and listening…Don’t take my silence as an insult.  It’s not!  Introverts are valuable too.

These are just some thoughts from a shy introvert.  Psalm 139:14
~Leslie~