2014

This was supposed to be written closer to Thanksgiving, but traveling and family and friend time got in the way.  I’m not sorry ;-)

Anyway, this has been a pretty big year and I felt like making a thankful list.  So, it works well as a last day of the year post too...

I’m thankful for this healthy baby girl growing inside me and all her cool movements I feel and her daddy experiences.

I’m thankful for her daddy, my amazing husband, who has been very patient with my preggo sick times, too sleepy to clean the house times, and I can barely move and need a massage times.  I have truly seen him live out “in sickness and in health” this year.

I’m thankful for several big trips this year before that slows down a little for several years.  Cancun for our 2^nd anniversary before we started planning for baby girl.  Hawaii for my brother-in-law and new sister-in-law’s wedding.  And Tennessee to see beautiful fall colors and winter coming in from the mountains.

I’m thankful for my new sister.

I’m thankful for the amazing extended family on both sides that will show an enormous amount of love to our baby girl.

I’m thankful my husband has only had to travel one week since the beginning of October.

I’m thankful for a flexible work schedule for myself to travel with the hubs, or stay at home when this baby makes me feel bad.

I’m thankful for all the sweet gifts already given to us for baby girl when I haven’t even had my showers yet.

I’m thankful for a good watchdog, yet a gentle puppy at the same time.

I’m thankful for the goofiest kitty who was really funny when my baby belly first started showing.

I’m thankful for best friend dates, especially our fall double date with our husbands that included pumpkin spice lattes, a pumpkin patch, and pumpkin carving.

I’m thankful that almost every big item on our baby registry has been bought for us.

I have a feeling 2015 will be an even bigger year.  Thank you, Jesus, for all these things!  Thank you friends and family for so much love, time, and support this year!  Happy New Year, everyone!

I leave you with these random thoughts for 2015...

Love,

Leslie

Fearfully and wonderfully...

“Comparison is a horrible idol.”

One of my favorite quotes from Matt Chandler.  Short and simple, right?  Well, not quite.

This used to be a huge struggle for me.

I have always been a fairly timid and shy person.  In high school, I compared myself to the more outgoing girls getting attention from the guys.

In college, I compared the attention I received, the projects I completed, and the grades I earned.

Other times, I have compared my health to others.  I have compared my job.  I have compared my spiritual life too.

I think many women struggle with this.  For some reason, we are constantly struggling to “be enough” by whoever’s standards!

But it’s not about WHOEVER’S standards.  It’s about this-

Psalm 139

14  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16  Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!  INTRICATELY WOVEN!

And this-

Zephaniah 3

17  The Lord your God is in your midst,
a mighty one who will save;
he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love;
he will exult over you with loud singing.

REJOICE OVER YOU!

Oh, and this-

Jeremiah 9

23  Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, 

24  but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.”

BOAST IN THE LORD!

These are fairly well-known verses.  These are not new concepts.  But sometimes I still need reminders.  The Lord made me to be ME…only me.  I am enough for Him.  And that is enough in itself.  My parents also made sure to let me know I was enough for them.  My husband lets me know I am enough too.  I was getting down on myself for something really silly the other day when my husband stops me and says, "You don't need to be so hard on yourself!!"  Thankful.

This is one of the main things I want my daughter to know too.  There will be absolutely no need for her to compare her beauty, intelligence, relationships, health, or anything else TO anyone else.  She will be enough.  She will be valued.  She will be loved beyond anything…by me, her daddy, and Jesus. 

I want her to know she’s beautiful…and that beauty comes from Jesus who made her fearfully and wonderfully…inside and out.  

Did you need this reminder today too?  You are ENOUGH, my friend.  And don't forget to boast in The One who made you enough!

Love,

Leslie (and baby GIRL)

Psalm 34:4

This is to update everyone on my last post.  If you missed it, you can read it here.

Some statistics about CF-

1 in about every 30 white Americans is a carrier.

1 in every 2,500 births of white Americans is a CF baby

If one parent is a carrier, there is a 50/50 chance they will have a child who is a carrier

When both parents are carriers there is still a 50/50 chance their child will be a carrier, a 25% chance their child will have CF, and a 25% chance their child will not have CF nor be a carrier of the disease

Life expectancy of a person with CF is around 37 years

Most people don’t know they are a carrier until they have a baby born with the disease

If you don’t know what cystic fibrosis is, I mentioned in the first post it sucks and I don’t really want to explain it, but there’s plenty of info online about it.

All this information is extremely scary and had me so anxious for the last few weeks.  I love this little being growing inside me unconditionally, and to think there was a possibility that I would outlive my child was so hard to think about.

We are praising The Lord big time right now!  At my 8 week appointment (I am now 16 weeks, woohoo!) I was tested for being a cystic fibrosis carrier.  Much to our surprise, I am one.  But as you see in the statistics, Riley had to be one too in order for our child to be born with the disease.  Riley FINALLY found out about his test results on Friday.  He is NOT a carrier!!  I was soooooo relieved.  Our babies could still be carriers, but apparently I’ve had carriers in my family passing it down for years and no one has ever been effected. 

We have such a great, loving, caring, patient, faithful God….even when we doubt and fail him.  That is what I have been doing the last few weeks.  I don’t think I’ve cared more about anything in my life than hearing a negative on Riley’s test results, and I chose to doubt God’s love and care, yet He came through in a huge way, like always.  I think the only time I’ve been close to this anxious is when I had my seizures and thought the doctors might tell me I had cancer or something.  The Lord is good.  I shouldn't doubt that ever.  Thankful and humbled.

Thank you for praying, my friends!

Leslie (and baby)

"For this child I prayed"

As most of you have seen, Riley and I are thrilled to become parents early next year!!  It’s going to be a big, awesome change.

Some of you know, or don’t, that I have had some really random health problems in my life.  One of these health issues started at birth when I had a semi-stroke that has caused me to walk with a limp and have mild cerebral palsy on the right side of my body.  It has never caused any pain, although the limp causes the annoying “Is your foot hurt?” question quite a lot.  My right side is just weaker and has a lot less dexterity than normal.  I can only open and close my right hand in a fist.  I cannot move my fingers individually on that hand.  It’s all mostly an inconvenience.  I went for 21 years without other issues.  Then, in college I had 2 random seizures 2 months a part.  It caused migraines the day after that would last the entire day until I went to bed that night.  This was unrelated to the stroke.  The only cause they could find was stress (from a really bad relationship and studying for my certification)  Ever since those, I have struggled with migraines and a few other health issues.  I didn't know how all of this was going to affect getting pregnant, but The Lord was gracious in that area.

No, I’m absolutely not trying to get sympathy.  Trust me, I KNOW MANY who are much worse off than me.

I’m writing this because with all MY random health issues and a few in my husband’s family, I have been very anxious about OUR BABY on the way.  I found out last week that I am a carrier of cystic fibrosis.  If you don’t know what that is, look it up.  It sucks….and I’m not going to explain it.  Anyway, if I’m the only one who is a carrier, our babies won’t have the disease.  However, if Riley is a carrier too, each kid we have has a 25% chance of having it.  Not a big percentage, but still very scary…especially since we didn't expect me to be a carrier since nothing like that has ever been in my family.  And I have a close friend who has a 1 year old with cystic fibrosis…so, I've seen just a glimpse of the scary and hard times that go along with cystic fibrosis.

I know that whatever happens, The Lord will be with us….but I’m still very anxious.  Riley will be tested next week.  Anyone reading this, PLEASE PRAY that he is not a carrier.  Thank you, sweet friends.

Love,

Leslie (and baby)

Why I love my job...haha

Whew, it has been a while.  In May, I was trying to work as much as possible the last month of school.  In June, I was trying to finish my last like 60 continuing ed hours (every 5 years I have to have 150 continuing ed hours to renew my teaching certificate).  July, I'm finally free, but traveling a ton and trying to work on cleaning the house I neglected last month to finish the classes.  

Anyways, with all the teaching stuff on my mind the last few months, I decided it'd be fun to post some of the best quotes ever from my students over the last 5 years.  I was about to die while going back and reading these....SO FUNNY.  It's these kids and their silly, cute, sweet, hilarious attitudes that make me love my job so much!

 Kindergartener: I know what color an alien is!

Me: Oh, what color?

Kindergartener: It is a brrrr….greenish color.

Kindergartener: Ms. Dewoowen (can’t say my last name lol) he keeps looking at me.

Kindergartener: Mrs. Dewoowen, he is blowing on me!

3 year old: I have a sister named Hailey. She has a big head just like my dad, but it shrinked a little.

Mrs. Mach (one of my mentor teachers): What do you like about Jesus?

3 year old: He painted…

Another 3 year old: He played baseball…

3 year old: Ms. Leslie, you’re my best friend!…What does “best friend” mean???

Me: Can you remember what the house that the caterpillar makes is called?

3 year old (really excited b/c he just KNOWS he knows this answer): A RACOON!

1st grader: Are you a mommy?

Me: No, I’m not a mommy yet!

1st grader: Why aren’t you a mommy?

Me:…B/c I don’t have a husband…

Freshman: Do you have any kids at this school?

Me:…Um…I don’t know any kids at this school.

Freshman: No, do you HAVE any children that go to school here?

Me: No, I don’t have any kids yet!

(Telling me what they are going to be for Halloween)

3 year old girl: I’m a kitten!

Other 3 year old girl: I’m a red hot devil!

3rd grader: My mom calls me a bunny.

Me: ...Why?

3rd grader: Because I'm coocoo!

Elementary student: Sorry, I’m late! My mom slept late because she had diarrhea!

3 year old: You have nurses!

Teacher: It smells in here…it smells like candy…

3rd grader (special ed): It’s my ear.

3rd grader (in In-School Suspension): (at about 10:00am) I feel like my head is about to EXPLODE.

3rd grader (in In-School Suspension): (at about 10:30am) I feel like we have already been here for 6 days!

3 year old (at The Little Village): Guys who stick their tongue out can’t go to church.

Elementary student: (Written note to their P.E. teacher) I love PEE. It rocks!

Kindergartener(girl): Sometimes coyotes don’t always go to the right places. One time a coyote came on my street, climbed on my roof, and climbed into the chimney. We had a fire in the fireplace because it was a day when it was really cold outside. So, the coyote got burned up. So, then, we ate him.

Kindergartener(boy): One time a coyote got in my house. And I killed him!

Me: You killed him?!

Kindergartener(boy): Yeah. With my dad’s shotgun.

5 year old: You know Elmo?

Me: Elmo?

5 year old: Yeah, you were on there.

(Apparently, I look like someone who has been on Sesame Street?!?! Hahaha)

Elementary student:  I’m not dumb, but I’m no dictionary!

Me: (to a 3 year old lil girl) Is your sister bigger or smaller than you?

3 year old girl:  Smaller…this small…(shows me a gap between her index and thumb, like an ‘x’ in sign language)

Me:  What is her name?

3 year old girl:  Me no know his name now…

4 year old:  (Can’t pronounce the “n” sound, trying to say “I’m done”)  I’m dumb!

4 year old: (His teacher calls hand sanitizer “Brain Soap”)  I didn’t get no “brain soap”.  My brain isn’t gonna work!

4 year old: (to me)  You’re goin to be a football player!

3 year old: When I grow up, I’m going to be Strawberry Shortcake.

7th grader: (gig, fagot, and dire are his vocabulary words he has to use in a paper)  While I was riding around in my gig, I noticed a wonderful fagot and I couldn't resist the dire urge to go towards it.

5 year old: My mommy and daddy aren’t married yet.

4th grade girl: I’m a slow reader unless it has to do with blood and stuff.

4 year old-  Have you been to the Batman city?

Me:  The Batman city?

Other 4 year old:  He means Gotham City.

Me:  Oh..no. Nope, I’ve never been to Gotham City.

4 year old:  I’ve seen a real alligator, but it was a blue one.

4 year old (about Halloween):  I’m going to be a Spider-man cowboy!

5th grader (Writing a note on a white board in class to her little brother whom she affectionately calls “bubby” who she had hit with a car door the previous day):  I’m sorry booby!

3rd grader:  Do you like sharp objects?

Me:  No…why?

3rd grader:  Because my pencil is a sharp object now…I sharpened it too much.

2nd grader: Mrs. Wyers, can I tell you something? When you were standing over there (points to the teacher desk) you really sounded like a cowgirl.

Librarian: Do you know why I picked an owl for (to represent) poetry?

Young Student: Because half…the first half….of all words rhyme with owl…

2nd grader: I'm getting a new puppy. His name is Rainbow, but we are changing his name because my dad doesn't like it...and my mom doesn't like it because he's going to be a big, fat dog.

Hope you enjoyed...they definitely made my day better, haha!

~Leslie~

Forgiveness and Trust

Forgiveness and trust.  Two very important things in life, especially for a follower of Christ.  Those two are not one and the same though….as much as some people want to believe that.  Let’s take a look at the definitions of those words-

Forgive-  to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone) to cease to feel resentment against (an offender) 

Trust- assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. 

I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship for 2 years before my precious, amazing, trustworthy, 100% better husband came around.

I found a description one time of an emotionally abusive relationship
5 Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship-
1.  “You walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting your partner.”
2.  “Your feelings and opinions are rarely validated.”
3.  “Your partner is mistrustful of you for no reason.”
4.  “You feel like you are unable to discuss problems in the relationship.”
5.  “You feel ‘stuck’ or confused most of the time.”

YES TO EVERY SINGLE ONE.
The guy from this past relationship not only hid, but flat out lied about an addiction he had during and way before our relationship.  He was the type of person that would say one thing, then turn around and do the COMPLETE opposite….telling me he had “made a mistake” and I needed to forgive, forget, and get over it right away….all the while leaving me to wonder what his real character was, which one was the real him. 
So, YES
I walked on eggshells wondering which version (the one that tells me what a respectable, mature person he is or the one who does the complete opposite of respectable and mature) I was going to get that week.
My feelings and opinions were often pushed aside when I worried about the difference between his words and actions….sometimes making me seem like his enemy.
He would get extremely jealous and freak out when I talked to his friends, thinking I would fall in love with one of them and leave him (usually he was present AND I was talking to them about HIM.  In NO WAY was I ever  flirting with another guy while we dated…he had NO reason to mistrust me), yet he thought it was completely ok to go clubbing and drinking with other women when I wasn’t around during some of our dating.
He would tell me to keep his “mistakes” and problems just between us, instead of seeking advice from people with more wisdom than us, and if I told anyone I would be "disrespecting" him. 
So, YES I felt “stuck” and confused.  I fell in love with who he told me he was and pretended to be.  In reality, I never loved who he actually was, the man he lied about and hid from me.
Not to mention all the evidence that points to me having a stalker in the year and a half following our break-up…but that’s a whole other story.

I have had someone come to me and say they feel bad that they didn’t help their boyfriend stay in touch with my ex.  I’ve had someone else say “Why does it matter if someone close to you wants to keep up with him…if you’ve TRULY forgiven him?”

And that is where my problem is.  First, I don’t know how keeping in touch with someone who causes that much damage to someone you care about could be beneficial to anyone.  Second, if that man ever came up to me and asked for my forgiveness, I could honestly say I forgive him (Just as Christ forgives me)….then in that same conversation, I would tell him that I fell in love with a fake version of him and would find no value in trusting him to be present in my life again.  So, yes you can forgive the wrong, but sometimes there’s no reason, benefit, value, or good in trusting someone in your life after that much damage.

This man settled down in my husband’s hometown.  So, any time we go back for a visit to see my in-laws, I have to wonder whether I will run into him or his wife and whether one of them with try to approach me…and I have run into them a few times, but thank goodness my husband is always by my side and they never try to speak to me.

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
 ~MAYA ANGELOU~

This is in the past.  It was a huge part of my life at one point, and like I said, I still have to deal with it when I go back to my husband’s hometown.  It definitely changed me as a person.  I’m not so naïve to believe that anyone who shows an interest in my life is trustworthy enough to be part of my life.  Let me be the first to say we all make mistakes.  Not a day goes by where I don't worry about, waste time on, or have pride in something I shouldn't.  The dangerous part is when people keep things as secret sins and hurt the innocent.  God always knows and cares.  I am caring, honest, trustworthy, and godly.  Neither that man nor anyone else can take that TRUTH about my character away.

For years I have wanted to explain this situation because people just don‘t seem to understand that forgiveness and trust are not the same thing.  They don’t always go hand in hand.

Do you understand?  If you are in a situation similar to this, please get help AND get out.
~Leslie~

Remembering An Unbelievable Life

I had been working on a different post, but that can wait for now.
I want to honor and remember Riley’s pawpaw who passed away last week.

I only knew Jack Riley for 4 and a half years, but even in that short amount of time, he made me want to be a better person.  I never once heard anything negative about him.

All I heard was...
How unselfish he was.
How smart he was…his kids and grandkids went to him when the needed help, and he always had an answer
What a cool grandpa he was….including stories of letting the boys do fireworks and a newspaper accidentally catching on fire while babysitting haha…of course, that last one was kept from Riley’s mom for years!
When the grandkids were little they would run to him instead of their moms when they got an “owie” because he was so gentle and comforting
What a hard worker he was
What a great boss he was…his employees had such admiration for him, they affectionately called him “Daddy”.
How he never complained, even when his health got so bad the last few years (and Grandma never complained about taking care of him while he was bedridden for months)
How nobody saw him get angry

You always hear about unconditional love, but my mom-in-law said he really lived it out.  When trying to give information to the funeral speaker, my dad-in-law said he just wished he could get the speaker to understand how UNBELIEVABLE Jack Riley was.

I got to see just a small part of Pawpaw’s life.  He really was unbelievable.  I’ve never seen someone so loved, respected, and just absolutely ADORED by everyone I have ever seen him with.  The main reason Jack Riley was so unbelievable was because he knew an unbelievable Savior.  If you don’t know what that’s like, ask me please.

I hope people can say even a fraction of the good things said about Pawpaw, about me when I go to heaven.  I hope I can at least learn to possess the kind of love he had for others.

How will I be remembered?  What will be said about me?  What will be said about you? 

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life
~MUMFORD AND SONS~

We look forward to the day we see Pawpaw again…
~Leslie~