This is going to be raw, emotional, and
a little blunt for some of you.
I am “1 in 4” I had two miscarriages last year. Back to back.
One in the fall. The physical
recovery took a few weeks. Second one
started in December and took an entire MONTH to get over physically….it was the
worst “happiest time of the year” of my life.
Both miscarriages were "blighted
ovums". If you don't know that
term, it's when you get pregnant, but only a sac develops. You never develop a baby, but since a sac developed,
your body thinks you're pregnant and you have pregnancy symptoms, and usually don't
find out about the miscarriage until you go in for your first doctor
appointment and only see an empty ultrasound.
With both miscarriages, I had to take medication to move the process
along to clear my body of the sac. From
here, I went on to have some blood work done by my doctor and I found out I
have the mthfr gene mutation, where I don't process folic acid properly and need
to be on a "super dose" of the B vitamins on top of regular prenatals
any time I am pregnant or trying to get pregnant. This condition is genetic and
can cause tiny blood clots not harmful to me, but probably the reason for the
miscarriages. So, I'm also on low dose
aspirin to thin my blood a little. Had
no idea of this during my pregnancy with our first little one. Everything was perfect with her...So she's
basically a miracle baby who could've been cut off by a blood clot (I've read hooror stories of this happening at 39 weeks...my first was born at 39 weeks and 1 day!) or developed
something like spina bifida in the womb from not getting the folic acid she
needed.
I hope this was helpful to anyone who
has had a miscarriage or recurrent miscarriages without getting any
explanations.
But more than that, I hope this was a
reminder and lesson for some of you that you never know what someone is going
through. Just because one baby was easy
to carry, does NOT mean the next one is/will be.
A lesson for some of you that a question
like “When are you having a/another baby?”
is never appropriate no matter how well you think you know someone. If it is a habit of yours to ask women of
child-bearing age a question like that, take it COMPLETELY out of all
conversations…and don’t go behind her back and ask her mother or sibling
either.
A pregnancy is usually announced by the
mother and father to be. So, WHY the
HECK would you think a mother or sibling would announce that to you? Nosey much?
You made my mother feel so uncomfortable.
A lesson for some of you to not be so
tactless. If a friend JUST shared with
you that she is in the physical recovery process of a miscarriage, don’t walk
up all giddy only a few days later while she is STILL recovering physically to
share your pregnancy news…especially if you are only 5-6 weeks along and won’t
be showing for weeks. We won’t even get
into the emotional recovery from a miscarriage because that is different for
everyone.
A lesson for some of you to let the one who has had the miscarriage
direct any conversations about the miscarriage.
When she says she doesn’t want to share anymore, do not ask her in a
public place how “the medicine is working” a few days later. Or when she wants to try for another
pregnancy. Your curiosity is irrelevant.
A lesson for some you that if a friend
who has had miscarriages gets other bad news, don’t tell her about your
pregnancy the VERY next day. Just wait a
little longer.
We are very excited for our pregnant
friends, but that doesn’t stop us from feeling like we’re “falling behind” or
keep us from thinking about our baby that would’ve been due around the same
time as yours and how the two would’ve grown up together and been best buds. So just be a little more considerate PLEASE.
Have you ever walked into an ultrasound
expecting to see a little peanut, but instead there is absolutely nothing there?
Have you ever woken up in a panic
because by now you are supposed to have a huge belly with a life kicking and
swimming inside, but you feel empty and numb?
Or woken up in a panic because your due
date has passed so you should be hearing a crying baby in the middle of the
night?
Have you ever wondered if your body is
ever going to do what it was created to do?
Have you ever felt so guilty because you
don’t have the physical or emotional energy to be there for your husband or
other child in the way they need you…for months on end?
Or been made to feel guilty because you
should “be grateful for the child you DO have” or “God will give you another
one when He thinks you’re ready”?
If you answered “No” to most of these,
then you cannot understand the pain. So,
take all these lessons to heart.
**If these sound very specific, then,
yes, you guessed it. Pretty much all of
these actually happened to me** So many
people do not think before they speak.
What should you say? “I’ll be praying for you.” If you can relate, “I understand. I’ve been there too.” “Can I bring your family dinner some day this
week?” “If you want to talk about it anytime,
I’m here.” Then, leave. it. at. that. If we want to share more, we will. If not, NO QUESTIONS. It’s our journey, not yours.
If you got through all of this, thank
you, my friend. We are 16 weeks pregnant
now and so very excited. It was kinda bittersweet that I
made our social media announcement of this rainbow baby exactly one year to the
day after we announced our first miscarriage.
I still get so nervous at every appointment that something will be wrong
when it’s time to hear the heartbeat or see the ultrasound. We want this new baby to have a meaning of hope and goodness in his or her name because the HOPE in The Lord's GOODNESS that I had seen before was sometimes the only thing that gave me strength to get out of bed for my husband and little girl. Please, PLEASE pray for a perfectly healthy
pregnancy and sibling for our sweet little girl. Thank you all so much.
To my sweet friends who have experienced what I have. I pray for you. I know what it's like. I hope you can see The Lord's goodness.
Love,
Leslie
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